Learning to Live the Life I Choose

When I was younger, I spent a lot of time imaging what I wanted my life to look like. One day I’d be able to afford a big house, with outdoor space and huge windows overlooking a beach. One day I’ll meet the man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life with, and we will create a family. One day I would be offered my dream job. The way I thought about these things was like a fairy-tale or day dream; they will happen to me at some point in the future, I just have to wait patiently for them to occur.

I have been very fortunate in my life for the most part.  I have a beautiful home, an amazing family, and a partner who is always there for me.  Life did not always follow my dream, and things happened unexpectedly which changed my path many times.  It is my belief that everything that has happened along the way was supposed to happen and helped to develop me as a person. Perhaps my dreams changed, and that is why my path changed. I am a happy optimist, a dreamer with a creative and open mind.  I am still working on using my thoughts to create the life I choose, everyday.

Karen Mason Riss, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker says,  “Most people think they are discovering their lives: they pray, they hope something good will happen. But what I think, what I say, what I do, creates my reality. “We are creative beings, not discovery beings.”

What Riss believes – and I agree with whole-heartedly – is that we have a say in what happens to us.  By transforming our thinking, and therefore our actions, we can create opportunities for ourselves and change our own lives without waiting for outside forces to take hold.

She gives the example of education. You grow up knowing you will go to college or university, believing that when it is your time to roam a campus you will, so you take actions. You work hard in school, complete all the right tests, visit various campuses, and send in your applications. It is this firm belief – you are college bound – that allows you to make this vision into reality. And that model can be applied to any dream you may have. Make sense?

Here are the steps to using your thoughts to creating the life you want.

Step One: See yourself how you want to be.

The first step in getting what you want in life is to envision yourself already there. If you can't see it, you can't create it.  If you want to lose weight put up a picture in your home of a time you were skinnier and look at it every day. If you want to be in a relationship spend five minutes a day imagining what that would look like – close your eyes and see yourself walking down the street with someone holding hands or talking about your days over dinner.  And don’t think about these things in terms of what you want. Tell yourself you already have them, you are already there: “I am skinny,” “I am in a loving relationship” “I am a successful writer.” These thoughts, this vision of you exactly as you want to be, will serve as your compass on the road ahead.

Step two: Start looking at ways you are already there.

Because this entire process relies on you believing you can get where you want to go – your goals have to seem inevitable. Recognize all the ways you are already on your way. This is about positive thinking: You are on the path and making progress.

Step three: Change some of your moves

The next step is to look at some of the moves you are making in life and see if they need changing. Measure your actions against your vision and see if they are helping you get there. Are you trying to approach your goal the same way or have you looked at other methods and paths.

Step four: Strengthen your vision every day.

Getting the life you want is hard. Really hard. We have habits and thoughts that can pull us down or prevent us from getting where we want to go. So we need to stay true to our vision and keep strengthening it over and over to keep it alive when things don’t go our way. Find a method to hold onto your dreams – by journaling or looking at a picture or spending five minutes seeing yourself as you want to be – do it every day. And then when you experience bumps, you won’t lose it, knowing that you will definitely get there at the end of the day. 

Believe, again and again, every day, that you are a creative being, that you can will the life you want into being and make it a reality. 

You need to take control of your destiny...what you think, what you say, what you do become your reality.......